An Old Crush

Well today I was just roaming around the city and was there at this Reebok Store near my place. It was around evening and I was alone looking at some stuff I probably would buy after some time. So it was this usual thing in there, just hanging out, checking out chicks, trying out some new T-Shirts etc. Everything was just about normal, when suddenly I came near to the Shoe section and now what these guys have done is pretty cool, they instead of placing the shoes next to the wall(which is in fact very common) have actually placed the shoes at the center. It's like a big transparent wall kind of thing at the center, placed diagonally leaving enough space to roam around the store. Now this wall kinda thing is not very wide, just a thin separation and since it's transparent you can actually see who's there on the next side. And they have instead of placing just a shoe of the same model have placed both of them, one on this side of the transparent wall and the other on the other side. It basically means that now two people can check out the same pair by being on the opposite sides. Sounds cool huh?, there's more, they have added some blue lights which fall on the shoes placed above vertically. Now the only problem here is that some of the placement holders for shoes are very high. So, if you are not 6'2" and want to try out the shoe placed right above, which you can't reach by yourself even after you try standing on your toes, you probably need to call the attendants who very politely take out a long rod and use it to bring the shoe down. Well the store is nice, but that's hardly the point.

Now am here checking out some of the shoes, and then suddenly I notice this female from the corner of my right eye trying to check me out. I am like there with my usual self, straight face trying to look busy with the shoes, I even ask the Sales Boy price of the particular shoe which I was holding in my hand and it had a price tag attached to it.(I know, what a jerk I sometimes can be). But anyways so as soon as she moves to the Ladies Section I start checking her out. Well she was wearing Blue denim jeans with a yellow T-Shirt, white pair of Nike Shoes. She was indeed Hot, had this perfect ass I hadn't seen in a long time, fairly long pair of legs, Nice curves and hair which were of the medium length. A bit blondish but they were really nice.

What I did was I moved on to the other side of the transparent wall which was just opposite to the Ladies Section, I could see her and behave as if am checking the shoe if she turned my side. She was trying some yellow Cardigan something, or whatever it is called. Then all of a sudden I see this lady, white face, a bit old. And I am like what the fuck!

I quickly turn back to the girl and look at her face, Oh My God, how could I not recognize her. I suddenly feel something nice about myself. I had this huge crush on this girl, about an year back or something. I never really confronted it to her or anything but just saw her around the building most of the times. She had this dog and I used to watch her generally in the mornings or in the evenings when she used to take her dog out. Now since am not that big an animal lover. I don't hate pets but prefer them better at the zoos. The dog was kinda big, white in colour and was harmless most of the times. Now this girl was a bit elder to me, around a two years or so. Well she used to stay on the 8th floor. Her dad was kinda jolly fellow, he looked carefree, teaching his dog new tricks, and most of the times having a good time. It actually bothers me now when am typing this out, I actually recognized this girl because I remembered her mother's face? (I mean seriously..)

Now you might be wondering that if we both used to live in the same building why I actually didn't ask her out. Probably because she was a bit older to me. We didn't have anything in common, to discuss, yeah not even any mutual friends I could think of who could introduce me to her. Also, there are some times when you just don't do anything. I thought may be it's just a Crush, like one of those which I had in the past. Like those school-crushes where I had this huge crush on a teacher, and then I had this crush on my friend's sister who by the way was in Class XII when I was in Class VI. Nothing worked out that time, so I took this for granted believing it's just a crush. (Ya know?)

But today standing there, I thought may be I should go to her and try introducing my self. I could ask her if she remembered seeing my face somewhere, remember she was also checking me out sometime back (Or were they just those pink sandals, I just hope it was me :)). But I just resisted myself, by the time I thought Oh what the fuck!, they had left. But as destiny would have it I get to see her in the next store I visit. I was just looking here and there and considering her mom was at the billing counter, I thought I might just go to her and say Hi!. By the time I could do they had left. I just moved on with my shopping after that.

When I go out, I see her again on the streets bargaining for some book, with the local book-seller there (Is this what people call destiny?). I was a hell lot determined about it now, am just gonna go and meet her. I had this backup plan with me. It's like if nothing works out, I won't loose anything. I actually didn't have anything to loose there. But I just backed off. I was staring at the bag she had on her back. It contained a tennis racquet, with some other stuff which I obviously couldn't see as the bag was closed. I just looked at her once, and moved away, thinking if I would ever be meeting her again..

Back to Blogging after 5 months, in itself feels great. Though I never really was a regular blogger, ahh I remember the post where I had coined the term 'Random Blogger' for me. (Too lazy to link it up, sorry!)


Well, I don't know why but off late I get this feeling where in I feel very sexually charged up-excited. I can't handle this situation it's very different from what used to happen some years back when I had just entered puberty. Earlier it used to be just infatuation, but now I feel something strange, something I am not familiar with. I sometimes feel why on the fucking face of earth I still am a virgin, may be because I never had the opportunity to loose it. Off late every girl I meet seems so 'do-able', I guess my preferences have shifted.

Well what do I do when I land myself in such a sexually-excited situation, I smoke. Yes I chain smoke till the point, when my fingers start shivering as I try to get the bud closer to my lips. I then take a deep breath and sit idle looking out of the window, looking at the tall buildings outside. Thinking deep within, thinking about someone, thinking of being with someone.


For long I have wondered that do women also crave for sex, like men do. Analyse this. To sleep with someone first you need to know him/her, pamper him/her, try spending some time with hiim/her, then if the time is right sleep with him/her. When I type this out, please don't think that sex is all am interested in when I think of someone, the point what am trying to make here is that to have sex with a women this is all what we men have to do.
Now since there are some of us who at a certain point(Not Always) just crave for sex, and there must be some women who also feel the same. Why does it look vulgar when a guy approaches a woman with the sole intention of sleeping with her. Why can't women understand this. Even if you try raising this point with them, then the whole debate begins. Let me write down some general points you get to hear:

Women(W): Does he think am a woman of cheap standard. Or does he think that am a sex-commodity to be used by anyone and everyone?

Men(M): Who said you are one with cheap or low standards, I am just interested in sleeping with you, what makes it cheap for you?

Women generally get a feeling of triumph when they see a man trying his level best by pampering, caressing them in order to sleep with them. (Am not talking in situations where love is involved and you try to build a long-term relationship with someone)
I partly agree with this fact that too sleep with someone it's his/her will if he/she likes it or not. Even if you analyze it from the fairer-sex's perspective you would agree because see it's their wish whom they sleep with or what their priorities are, or how they choose their partners.

I can't say the system is wrong, but there's something definitely wrong. Why can't I easily approach any women with the sole attention of sleeping with her. Why does the society think it's bad and cheap behaviour. Am not afraid of rejection, may be I meet someone who is also as eager and as excited as I am(at that frame of time), and doesn't mind. Why is the society so fucked up, why?

I don't think I would ever find an answer to this question. For now, I am contempt with my pack of Davidoff Lights!